MindBlemish takes a step forward!!

MindBlemish is not just for me. New stories, a Poshmark store, and an Instagram page has been an added addition to MindBlemish!

Mental health issues are existent and society needs to be educated! We can’t be ignored! So join me on sharing MindBlemish and be a part of this growing community! Let’s make it happen!!!

You are appreciated

There have been plenty of times when I felt alone even though I knew that I had support. It’s hard to see who’s who when your mind is always cluttered with scattered thoughts and you just continue to ruminate. I needed to be away from the toxicity to realize who valued and appreciated me. Once I did that, I slowly began trusting again and eventually I opened up about what I was going through.

I have three sisters. All older than me. Although we are siblings, only one appreciated me. She continued to encourage me, support me, never criticized me, and was always there when I needed someone…anyone.

When a person is willing to sacrifice their time just to make sure that you are ok, you are appreciated. I will tell you that a battled many illnesses (which we’ll get into another time) many of which surgery was needed, this woman was there!! No one else!! My big sister that’s all!!

My other siblings are non supportive in anything I do. My own child doesn’t even support me, unless, of course, they play a cameo in the situation. That’s selfish right? Yeah I know.

I’m where I am today because of my big Sis and her husband, my brother in law, because they never gave up on me. I was always appreciated.

So don’t fret, someone’s there for you. You’ll realize that when you think that you’re in the worst situation in the world and that person shows up and usually it’s the last person you’d expect to be there.

Remember, there are children dying of hunger, women being trafficked, and Trump being President…

Your life ain’t so bad kid 💋😘💋

Introducing my 30+ year friendship

We all have friends. Some come and go, some stay for a lifetime.

This is about my lifetime friendship with my Best Friend/Sister…Kwanita.

It was 1983 when we met. I was 6 years old and she was 4. Who would have ever thought that by the year 2019 we would have witnessed our children grow, watch each other grow, and still maintain the sisterhood we fought so hard to keep.

Of course we’ve had our bad times as young girls. Fought like siblings. The best part though, is hours later, we’d resume our day as if nothing ever happened.

She’s my rock for sure. I am older than her but yet it feels like she’s the big sister (If you see how tall she is, you’d understand 🤣).

She called me today and boy I vented. I almost cried BUT she put a pause on that. She reminds me so much of my sister Marisol who too, has so much faith and confidence in me, and doesn’t hesitate as well to put a pause on my bullshit (and possibly a foot in my ass) when I’m in a dark place mentally. It feels great to have that unconditional support.

Kwanita, she and I shared so much in common. We both suffered hard childhoods, difficult times in our teen years, but as we became adults and Mothers, our perspectives on life changed. It took me a little longer to get where she is, but she never stopped loving me. She never doubted me, she never left my side…for over 30 years. That’s love.

I can remember so many times when my Dad went through one of his rages, she would grab me and take me right across the street to her house and tell her mom. Those were times I knew I was safe. She knew what it felt like, she understood and never left my side until she knew them blows were coming to a halt…at least for that day.

I remember one time when my dad flipped out so bad she took me to her house and told her mom I was hurt badly. My dad whipped me so harshly I had marks. Marisol was away at college so she couldn’t save me. But, Kwanita’s mom called the police and they took my Dad. I remember my mom sitting on the front stoop crying and the cop said to her “Why do you keep letting this guy beat your daughter?” My mom said ” He’s not beating her, he’s disciplining her!” She was crying when she said this and Kwanita’s mom went off on her. I will not forget this. I was about 10 and my other sister had a baby already who was a few months old and it was right after school finished. I never make excuses for either one of my parents because honestly, there is none. They were both wrong.

But there she was again, Kwanita saved the day!! And I love her for everything she has done, everything she stands for, everything she will be.

Not everyone can say they have this. Not everyone can say they’ve held on to friendships this long. But if you have, embrace it, endure every moment of it, appreciate it, and most important, love it. Because there aren’t too many “Kwanitas” in the world. I know this for a fact…because I am blessed to have the original ❤️❤️

No judgement zone

People are so quick to pass judgement. Not knowing what a person has or is going through, they will sit there and judge them relentlessly. Yeah, someone did that to me a few moments ago.

I used to care about people’s opinions. Now, I can give two fucks. I have a beautiful home, I have two cars, I have food, I have my children, I have money, I have my health, and I have my family. Nothing else matters.

The thing is, people who pass judgement never tend to judge themselves. I could throw this person under the bus, but I won’t. I won’t because I have standards. My success came from me and the help from my family. I’d be in shits river if it weren’t for my big sister and my brother in law. But I listened, I embraced, and now I’m happy.

So say what you want about me. Insult me until you’re blue in the face. As a matter fact, make talking about me your favorite topic. Use what I haven’t against me. I’ve been cut by swords before and I survived.

Every wound heals over time. I refuse to remain a prisoner to a persons words. People only put you down and talk about other people because they’re not happy with themselves.

So with this being said, I wish you the best, good luck to you, and good luck trying to bring me down to your level. Just remember it wasn’t too long ago that you came to me asking for a handout.

Im so glad I never did.

No judgement zone

People are so quick to pass judgement. Not knowing what a person has or is going through, they will sit there and judge them relentlessly. Yeah, someone did that to me a few moments ago.

I used to care about people’s opinions. Now, I can give two fucks. I have a beautiful home, I have two cars, I have food, I have my children, I have money, I have my health, and I have my family. Nothing else matters.

The thing is, people who pass judgement never tend to judge themselves. I could throw this person under the bus, but I won’t. I won’t because I have standards. My success came from me and the help from my family. I’d be in shits river if it weren’t for my big sister and my brother in law. But I listened, I embraced, and now I’m happy.

So say what you want about me. Insult me until you’re blue in the face. As a matter fact, make talking about me your favorite topic. Use what I haven’t against me. I’ve been cut by swords before and I survived.

Every wound heals over time. I refuse to remain a prisoner to a persons words. People only put you down and talk about other people because they’re not happy with themselves.

So with this being said, I wish you the best, good luck to you, and good luck trying to bring me down to your level. Just remember it wasn’t too long ago that you came to me asking for a handout.

Im so glad I never did.

Why is this ok?

We live in a nation where it is ok to video violence and get paid for it.

We live in a nation where video pornography is being taxed.

We live in a nation where childrens services only act when the child is murdered and they are exposed.

Why is all of this ok?

We live in America, land of the free, home of the brave. However, here we are suffering the longest shutdown in US history, hundreds of thousands of government workers struggling for their next bite to eat, but yet we don’t stand in unison to fight. The brave suddenly become the cowards and the hidden. Where are those loud voices now??

45 is about to declare a national emergency amongst our nation, giving him the ULTIMATE power. Power that only a villain could desire. This will allow him to receive at least 7 billions dollars giving him the opportunity to fund his 5.6 billion dollar wall.

On June 12, 1987, President Ronald Reagan sent a message to Mikhail Gorbachev saying, and I quote “Mister Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”. It was during this powerful speech that President Reagan said to remove the Berlain wall which divided the city for 26 years. President Reagan powerfully ended his address by saying “Yes, across Europe, this wall will fall. For it cannot withstand faith; it cannot withstand truth. The wall cannot withstand FREEDOM!”

Freedom. That is what our country represents, does it not? But yet we find ourselves incarcerating wrongfully accused people for DECADES or more (people/NYS vs. huwe burton; people/state of Indiana vs. kristine bunch) because it is much easier to set the blame on someone then to make sure the actual guilty party is convicted! Better yet how about the hundreds of thousand of non-custodial parents living in NYS who once had promising careers but because of the 17% attack on their paychecks for each child, not only have their lives been ruined but their sanity taken as well!!

WHY IS THIS OK?? Why is it ok that police officers JUSTIFY the KILLING of young black men with PROMISING FUTURES ACROSS AMERICA!!! WHY IS THIS OK??

Yes I am angry. I am LIVID!! I am livid because this place that I live in, this place that I call home is full of CRAP!!! The contradictions that exist amongst our very own is humiliating. The media controls all of our minds!! We would rather video a woman being savagely raped instead of picking up any type of defense mechanism and SAVING HER LIFE!!! A life that not only was brutally sabatoged by the individual who sexually assaulted her, but also a life that now could possibly end because you, yes YOU, chose to record it, instead of stopping it.

This is not ok. It will never be ok. But this nation we live in, is so consumed by media, entertainment, violence, that we look passed what is ok.

Kudos, America. You have won the greatest nation of the year award.

Celebrating your joy…alone

Growing up in my family, there was a celebration for everything. If it was big sister’s birthday…there was a party. If Dad got a raise…there was a party. If Uncle got remarried for the third time…there was a party. If Paco got his 5th divorce, had his 7th baby, got engaged again, and his mistress got a boob job…party.

We had a celebration for everything. It was the best part of growing up. The food, the games, the family and friends all together. It was all so wonderful. As I started getting older, the parties became fewer. Until there were none. Our family had many dents and bruises, issues that, till this day still need to be addressed, but remain untouched. As family problems increased, the bond of our family decreased. Until eventually ceased.

I grew up with thoughts embedded in my brain that I was the main point of all the problems in our home. So it was natural for me to always feel down about myself and assume that I would never amount to anything. Until one day I did. I got my GED, I got my first college degree, I left NY for a better life and am actually doing very well…but yet, I celebrate these joys alone. At least, thats how I feel.

My daughter asked me a few weeks back if I felt as if I needed validation from family members in order to feel better about myself. I wasn’t sure how to feel about that question. I did know how to respond to it however. I told her I didn’t need validation or recognition, but a pat on the shoulder, a congratulations, and most importantly, the words “I am proud of you” would have made a great difference. I think that the reason I felt like I wanted to hear those words (Not needed, but wanted) was because I’ve felt all my life like I was a failure. Like I wasn’t worth pursuing any dreams, goals, or aspirations. Because that was what was embedded in my brain. “Marlyn, you’re a piece of shit and will never be anything more!”.

Sad huh?

Yeah well, it’s the truth. Even after I received my college degree, I still felt alone in my joy. Even today. Today I have achieved so much but yet feel so little. As if I haven’t “done enough”. But what is enough? When is it enough? When will reaching the highest of your goals be enough to finally feel happy? That will always remain an unanswered question, at least for me.

I’ve been given praise for positive goals and milestones that I have reached, but have always celebrated my success by myself. Although sharing my happiness with others, I guess it just wasn’t enough for me. I have and still feel that some people were just not that happy and could care less for what I have overcome.

But I move forward and continue to pursue my ultimate goals. I am not done yet. At 41, I still have so many things to finish and I will finish them. I spent the majority of my life extending my hand to others that I have always forget about me. Now that I am working on myself, there are people ot there who still feel doubt and what I do is never enough to prove them different.

These are just feelings that I hold inside and now with the world. So to hell with those who don’t care to feel joy about my joy. Even if its just a bottle of hair oil that was too expensive for me to purchase, but managed to because the item had so many great reviews and being that I have trouble growing my hair, I feel joy that maybe, just maybe, I finally found a product to help it grow again.

So if you have something to celebrate, something you’ve struggled for years to achieve, go for it. Don’t be ashamed to celebrate alone. It’s your joy, your happiness. Never let anyone steal your thunder. Be the calm that conquered the storm.

With Love,

Marly