I was never really taught how to love as a child, straight into my adulthood, until I met my children. It wasn’t until I gave birth to my daughter, who is the oldest, that I felt true love. Even then, I struggled with learning to love. Growing up, love in my house was taught by hitting one another, beatings my sisters and I would receive by our father, the lack of support from our mother. I grew up with the mentality that men were supposed to beat women and women were to tolerate the abuse.
It wasn’t until well into my thirties that I realized I was hella wrong. My love for my kids was so strong. Now in my early forties, I love hard. So hard I wear my heart on my sleeve, and people who know this take advantage. But I also learned how to love from a distance. It’s working out.
There are still some corners that need painting and I am in a place where I am willing to embrace and learn. It takes time though. Someone recently said to me “I am not the people from your past, I will not hurt you.” I know that truthfully, this individual is keeping it real and would never cause my mind, body, and soul any type of pain. But again, I’m still learning. Patience is what is needed.
There are people that the higher power places in your life for a reason. I always say “people who we allow in our comfort zone are our teachers. Whether they stay or not, either way I learned what to and not to do with the next person.” I recently involved myself in a situation, that I do not regret, and it has taught me so many things. I’ve learned that there are going to be several times where I can see and hear whats going on, not like it, but it’s best to keep my mouth shut. I also learned that no matter what goes on, stand by how I feel and don’t walk away. Walking away is not an option because I know I am where I am supposed to be as well as where I want to be.
Not everyone will “get it” or “understand you” and trust that, that is alright. As long as you stand firm on your decisions and choices, you’re good. Eventually the other party will realize that there was no harm intended. It’s love. All love.
I’m not walking away but I am also not going to feel guilty about my feelings and emotions. I am still learning i.e. the beginning of this passage. It’s not everyday that I come across people who genuinly give two fucks. I will say that when I was wrong, I admitted it and apologized for my behavior, something that I would never have done five years back.
I have a good heart with no malintentions. I am not walking away from situations so easily, most especially the ones I choose to be in. I know that not everyone will agree with my opinions and thats ok. We won’t give up. If you are willing to work with me, I can definitely work with you. I am open to trying and making an effort because I love and I love hard.
So, I guess the question here is, I am still willing to still learn. Are you willing to teach?