Did you know that the infant female elephants stay attached to their mothers beyond growth until their maternal mother passes on? They never leave their mother’s side until mom has reached her final stage of life. Infant male elephants do as well, until they get to a certain age, then they become aggressive and are often called the “bullies” of the pack.
Although a woman, I define myself as the infant male elephant and I am the female version of my father. Yep, I said it. I am my dad in a woman’s body. Interesting isn’t it? I agree. Many will agree as well. The term “You are your father’s daughter!” suits me very well, and in all honesty, I don’t mind at all. I am proud to be like him. Tough, never tolerated bullshit, stood up for himself, and has no hair on his tongue. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I haven’t blogged in like forever. I won’t lie either and make up an excuse as to why I haven’t. These past few weeks have been very difficult for my sisters and I, as well as my mother and father. My sisters. These past few weeks made me realize how much I appreciate them, adore them, and love them so much. Marisol and Maribel. You know, I was never the perfect sibling to them. I’ve done and said horrible things to both of them in the past. But within these recent weeks…they have been beyond amazing. Their strength, their poise, their concern for me. They constantly call me to check up on me to make sure that I am…ok. There are things that happen amongst families that sometimes bring everyone closer. Our situation is tough, but my sisters have been my riders, my shoulders, my listeners, but most importantly…my big sisters.
My brother in law (who is very handsome and does not look his age, might I add) told me today “Marlyn, one day at a time. You will get your chance to say what you need to say and find closure.” Hearing him say that and receiving his warm embrace filled with love put me at ease. I knew at that moment, I would have the opportunity to do what I need to do.
On Saturday December 14th at 4:44pm, I was driving to work when suddenly the reality of my families unexpected situation hit me. Tears flowed down my cheeks. I pulled over and text my sister Bella and just vented. Her reply…”Marlyn..write.” I knew she was right, I just didn’t know where to start.
Well, here I am. I’m writing. And it feels like some weight has been lifted off my shoulders. And it feels good. I didn’t know what I was going to write and say so I just let the words flow. Thanks Bella ❤
I dislike when sad situations happen and that becomes the only time people decide to set aside their differences and be there for one another. That’s when it’s too late. If you are wrong, reconcile. If they are wrong, be the bigger person…reconcile. Tomorrow is promised to no one. We live only for today and that isn’t even promised to us. Shit, you might only be granted half a day, half an hour, or 10 minutes from the time you wake up because little Tommy forgot to mop up the water from the bathroom floor after he got out the shower, then BOOM! You trip, slip, bust your shit, and then you’re dead. (Sigh*). Fix the problem because it can’t fix itself.
I guess the point of this blog is to basically say, don’t wait until it’s too late. Even if you feel you’re not in the wrong. It won’t kill you to fix it. Let go of that anger and hate. In order to set an example…you need to be an example.
I am carrying a major burden right now and I just need time to fix it. And I feel that I will get that chance. Being angry, hurt, pissed, sad, consumes you. You may not realize it but it truly sucks the energy right out of you. If you wake up and your body aches, it’s not because you worked out like a damn body builder or did heavy lifting. It’s because you are carrying all that negative energy that you need to get rid of.
I understand now. I get it. I will do better. It will cause me some pain but the greater things that have happened will crush all that toxicity.
Thank you Marisol for being my rock. Thank you Glenn for being my ear. Thank you Maribel for being my voice. Thank you Kelly for being my positivity. Thank you Tony for being shoulder. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Life is too short. Release the negativity before it’s too late. I promise you…it’s worth it.