The best revenge ever is none at all. It took me to lose my father to realize this. Sometimes you can make them feel like shit when you just wash your hands and be done with them. BOOM!…I did that, and I leveled up.
Welcome to my clap back 😉
It’s been forever since I have blogged. I literally gave up. I don’t know why. Since my father passed away, I lost a part of myself. Then with all the bull shit and bullying that his other two daughters put me through (Yeah unfortunately they’re my sisters) I literally had to just shut down and reboot. When I say reboot I mean literally stay to myself and narrate through my life and my circle and cut off any and all toxicity that was succumbing my mental health and those two bitches were the major contributors. Hasta la vista, life has been butter milk and sweet ever since…..eh except for one other person.
I had a confidant in my life who at first was very supportive. When my father fell really ill in November and December, which is when he passed, this individual who was supposed to be someone who I could count on, turned out to be a part of the toxicity and more. This person inflicted so much pain on me that I literally lost my sanity, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I still can’t because letting go hurts more than hanging on. The lies and deceit, the pain. It’s horrible. I still deal with it today. Like I can’t let it go so quick because there is so much love there you know. It’s endless. What’s worse is that every time I forgave I had hope for change and faith that things would be so better and different. I lied to myself. This person just kept hurting my damn heart man. But non the less, I keep instilling in myself to not settle and to always put me first. And this was the problem with my siblings and that confidant. I always put them first, I wanted to make sure that I made them happy setting my feelings aside. It consumed me and my happiness. I was not me. I was just someone who worked day and night just to hide the pain and hurt. That isn’t fair to me or my kids. Cutting my family off is easy peasy. I could care less if they lived or died.
But my confidant….why did you have to do me that way man.
A friend of mine who is in the Arm recently returned to the US. He’s been away on tour for a while. During his tour he would reach via “What’s App” to check in on me. He reached out last week and we talked for a good three hours and he kind of opened up my brain and eyes to what the hell I was facing and what I was hiding from. Honestly, if it weren’t for his ass….I wouldn’t be typing on MindBlemish right now folks. While he was away he wrote a book and now I felt compelled to purchase it. It’s good. (Details coming soon). The crazy thing is that he literally lived almost the same exact life that I did. He just approached things differently. I asked him how he got through it. His response…”I joined the army and killed people legally.” Of course he was being humorous but I still needed to know “HOW”.
“Weeds cannot grow without roots. Pull the root, kill the weed.”
Nice eh? Yeah I agree. I use that analogy quite often. He taught me that and till this day it makes sense and because of that, this time around 2020 has been a blessing and I have been gifted with great things and opportunities. All I needed to do was cut off and walk away from what was no good in my life. I can’t be involved with people who are self absorbed and into themselves and nothing else.
The good thing about this new found growth that I obtained is that my circle is stronger and it’s better. I lead a positive life with positive people. I am learning how to slowly let my father go so that he can rest in peace. It took me losing him to see the true colors of my worst enemies, and those enemies I held close, like dude WTF!!!
So what’s next? More blogging. More Posh. More MB FB and IG and soon to come will be Twitter! I have a lot to talk about and I will talk about it! I am putting myself first this time so stay tuned and keep up. Opportunities came knocking and I opened all them doors!!!